Mischievous Tigress
by gabster357
Summary: First was a one-shot about Tigress being left alone in the Jade palace, now a series of one-shots. Enjoy and R&R!
1. Chapter 1

What Tigress Does When She Has The Jade Palace All To Herself

"Now are you sure you you'll be fine?" Shifu asked Tigress.

"Master Shifu, I will be fine." Tigress insisted.

"I know, but I never left you all alone to tend to the Jade Palace all by yourself."

"Come on Shifu, she'll be fine. Now let's go." Po insisted, practically dragging poor Master Shifu out the door.

She sighed and went to training. After going through the assault course three times, she did some meditation. After that she was completely and utterly bored. She just sat, legs crossed in the training hall and started to whistle, which she barely ever did.

It was then she decided to do things she would barely do. For example, she painted her self portrait, which surprisingly turned out quite well.

She went through all her friend's clothes. She found it very curious that she found, in Shifu's room, many love poems to a woman called Esmeralda. She found it even more curious that Monkey owned a pair of pink boxers with purple hearts. She also read through Viper's journal, gasping "No!" when she found out she had a crush on Crane. Her last great activity was to create a voodoo doll of Shifu. When she did, she stabbed his heart screaming, "Die, die, die!" After she was done with it, she threw it behind her and went to the training hall again.

She sat in her room, remembered her childhood. Some nights, she would just sit in the training hall, whining on and on, on how Master Shifu never gave her any love. When she was only a child, Master Shifu was so grumpy and strict around her. She blamed Tai Lung for making him this way. When she was sixteen, it got worse. He started to forget about her. She waited in the training arena but he would never show. Sometimes, he wouldn't be there to greet her in the morning. She also clearly remembers that one day, she didn't bother to train but he didn't even notice! It was around that time in her life that she started to drink. She knew Shifu's stash of vodka in the kitchen cupboard. Even after ten years she still remembers where he hides it. She smiled.

'It's time to get drunk again." She thought.

Meanwhile...

"I cannot believe that the message from the Imperial City was a prank!" Viper whispered on her way back to the Jade Palace, obviously angry.

"Don't worry Viper," Master Shifu assured her, "We are almost at the Jade Palace. Tigress will have such a surprise when we come home early."

They weren't to know that it would be them who would be surprised.

20 minutes later...

"Tigress, we're home," the small red Panda called out, "Tigress?"

There was no answer. Suddenly, Shifu heard someone singing in the dorm rooms. He and his student immediately went to check it out. To their surprise, they found Tigress in her pyjamas- purple trousers and black shirt. She was playing a pastel blue guitar – which no-one had ever seen before- and was singing in the hallway with her eyes closed. She was singing 'Hey Big Spender'. She was actually pretty good. She then fell forward, kneeling down and let the last chord ring. When she opened her eyes and saw her friends and master looking at her, she wasn't surprised. She seemed to actually be happy. Her arms were held open wide, her guitar lifted in her left hand and she said,

"Wassup Shifu?" She then smiled at him like a mad-woman.

"Tigress, what are you doing?" He asked angrily. He then spotted the voodoo doll of him self, "Is that a voodoo doll of me?" He asked, with a voice a little too high.

"Weeeelll, _I_ have a few questions for yooouu tooooo." She said dramatically, obviously drunk.

"Are you drunk?"

"Who's Esmeralda? Hmmm..." Shifu's face immediately dropped. She then took out a piece of purple paper out of her pocket and when Shifu saw it, he immediately tried to grab it but she held his small head in her left paw. She read out the letter,

"Dear Shifu,

I miss you so. I dream about the day we can be together, away from my parents, but we both know that can only be a dream. That is why I have to leave you. I want you to know that I will always love you.

Esmeralda xxx"

When Tigress finished, she started sobbing, saying, "That is so sad!" She finally let him have the letter. Out of no where, she screamed out playfully,

"Monkey has pink pants!"

"What?" They all said in unison.

"Yeah, look!" She said, taking monkey's pants out of her on room and showing them of to everyone. Monkey immediately snatched them out of Tigress' clutches, his cheeks blushing violently.

"They were a present from my aunt. I had no choice but to keep them." He insisted.

"And now tha piece de resistance." She announce in a French accent, presenting a pink journal.

"My diary!" Viper shrieked. Before she could take it from Tigress, Tigress opened the diary, reading out the words,

"Today, Crane looked so handsome. I wish I could tell him how I love him."

Viper was so angry and embarrassed that she lashed out at Tigress, scratching her arm by accident.

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry Ti..." Viper was stunned at the white blood, trickling smoothly down Tigress' arm. Viper looked at the tigress, who could only say,

"I guess I've been busted then?"

_**A/N: Should I do more chapters, or should I just leave it like that with the white blood unexplained? Should I change the ending to tragic or just keep it humour? Tell me your opinion. Also, do any of you know any slang. I'm in desperate need for my next short story. GIVE ME REVIEWS....please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_


	2. Chapter 2

What Tigress Does When She Has The Jade Palace All To Herself

"Now are you sure you you'll be fine?" Shifu asked Tigress.

"Master Shifu, I will be fine." Tigress insisted.

"I know, but I never left you all alone to tend to the Jade Palace all by yourself."

"Come on Shifu, she'll be fine. Now let's go." Po insisted, practically dragging poor Master Shifu out the door.

She sighed and went to training. After going through the assault course three times, she did some meditation. After that she was completely and utterly bored. She just sat, legs crossed in the training hall and started to whistle, which she barely ever did.

It was then she decided to do things she would barely do. For example, she painted her self portrait, which surprisingly turned out quite well.

She went through all her friend's clothes. She found it very curious that she found, in Shifu's room, many love poems to a woman called Esmeralda. She found it even more curious that Monkey owned a pair of pink boxers with purple hearts. She also read through Viper's journal, gasping "No!" when she found out she had a crush on Crane. Her last great activity was to create a voodoo doll of Shifu. When she did, she stabbed his heart screaming, "Die, die, die!" After she was done with it, she threw it behind her and went to the training hall again.

She sat in her room, remembered her childhood. Some nights, she would just sit in the training hall, whining on and on, on how Master Shifu never gave her any love. When she was only a child, Master Shifu was so grumpy and strict around her. She blamed Tai Lung for making him this way. When she was sixteen, it got worse. He started to forget about her. She waited in the training arena but he would never show. Sometimes, he wouldn't be there to greet her in the morning. She also clearly remembers that one day, she didn't bother to train but he didn't even notice! It was around that time in her life that she started to drink. She knew Shifu's stash of vodka in the kitchen cupboard. Even after ten years she still remembers where he hides it. She smiled.

'It's time to get drunk again." She thought.

Meanwhile...

"I cannot believe that the message from the Imperial City was a prank!" Viper whispered on her way back to the Jade Palace, obviously angry.

"Don't worry Viper," Master Shifu assured her, "We are almost at the Jade Palace. Tigress will have such a surprise when we come home early."

They weren't to know that it would be them who would be surprised.

20 minutes later...

"Tigress, we're home," the small red Panda called out, "Tigress?"

There was no answer. Suddenly, Shifu heard someone singing in the dorm rooms. He and his student immediately went to check it out. To their surprise, they found Tigress in her pyjamas- purple trousers and black shirt. She was playing a pastel blue guitar – which no-one had ever seen before- and was singing in the hallway with her eyes closed. She was singing 'Hey Big Spender'. She was actually pretty good. She then fell forward, kneeling down and let the last chord ring. When she opened her eyes and saw her friends and master looking at her, she wasn't surprised. She seemed to actually be happy. Her arms were held open wide, her guitar lifted in her left hand and she said,

"Wassup Shifu?" She then smiled at him like a mad-woman.

"Tigress, what are you doing?" He asked angrily. He then spotted the voodoo doll of him self, "Is that a voodoo doll of me?" He asked, with a voice a little too high.

"Weeeelll, _I_ have a few questions for yooouu tooooo." She said dramatically, obviously drunk.

"Are you drunk?"

"Who's Esmeralda? Hmmm..." Shifu's face immediately dropped. She then took out a piece of purple paper out of her pocket and when Shifu saw it, he immediately tried to grab it but she held his small head in her left paw. She read out the letter,

"Dear Shifu,

I miss you so. I dream about the day we can be together, away from my parents, but we both know that can only be a dream. That is why I have to leave you. I want you to know that I will always love you.

Esmeralda xxx"

When Tigress finished, she started sobbing, saying, "That is so sad!" She finally let him have the letter. Out of no where, she screamed out playfully,

"Monkey has pink pants!"

"What?" They all said in unison.

"Yeah, look!" She said, taking monkey's pants out of her on room and showing them of to everyone. Monkey immediately snatched them out of Tigress' clutches, his cheeks blushing violently.

"They were a present from my aunt. I had no choice but to keep them." He insisted.

"And now tha piece de resistance." She announce in a French accent, presenting a pink journal.

"My diary!" Viper shrieked. Before she could take it from Tigress, Tigress opened the diary, reading out the words,

"Today, Crane looked so handsome. I wish I could tell him how I love him."

Viper was so angry and embarrassed that she lashed out at Tigress, scratching her arm by accident.

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry Ti..." Viper was interupted by Tigress.

She shouted,

"Shifu, did I ever tell you that you have terrible morning breath?" the others giggled wildly but the master just looked stunned at his prize student, "No wonder she left ya!"

"Note to self," Shifu whispered to himself, " Never leave Tigress alone in the Jade Palace again."

_**A/N: Do you like this ending better? Should I make more chapters? I also am desperate for slang so review and teach me slang for my next Tigress fic - "Wassup Tigress?"**_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here is the explanation for the white blood. Enjoy!**

**Sequel to the white blood one-shot**

"..Oh my head.." Tigress ground, clutching her head with both paws as she awoke from her slumber. Her eyes were heavy and refused to open until she remembered with some denial, of the happenings during the last few hour. She was now passed out in the hallway – she probably passed out due to all the alcohol she had consumed. Now around her were here friends and Master, looking at her with a mixture of concern and…suspicion? Now she had remembered the most recent event.

The blood.

The white blood that she had so desperately tried to hide the existence of.

A short "Ah." Was all she could say.

"The blood." Mantis said, "Why is it white?"

"How is it even possible?" Crane questioned.

"You better explain to us now young Lady." Shifu said sternly.

There was a silence.

"There are two types of exorcists in this world – Divine and normal. The normal exorcists are the ones born in normal families. The Divine exorcists are the ones that have been born and/or brought…other types of families let's just say…"

"What sort of families?" Po asked. He seemed genuinely curious.

"Well, witches, mutants, religious members, Elementals – "

"Wait, Elementals?" Viper interrupted, "I thought they were only legends."

"Nope. All true. Even diviners nymphs and almost every other mythological creature exists. They just keep themselves secret mostly because of the discrimination towards them. Except for trolls – they seriously have trust issues."

"What are Elementals?" Crane asked innocently."

"Elementals," Tigress are explained, "Are a race of people who are born with the power to control the six universal elements – Air, Water, Earth, Fire, Shadow and Light. Of course, it's very rare for people to be born to be able to control more than one element. Each element's techniques are taught in separate temples. Each one having a High Priest or Priestess."

"What are you?" Asked Mantis.

"Fire Elemental." She stated simply then added, "I'm one of the five Exorcist Lords."

"Exorcist Lord?" Monkey exclaimed, "When did you have time to achieve that?"

"It was when you went away … wasn't it?" said Shifu, his face sunk with sadness.

"yeah" She replied softly.

The others just looked from master and student in confusion.

"Before Tai Lung went evil, he was like a brother to me. He used to play with me every day, always encourage me, always tell me that you always had to look at the bright side to everything. When he turned to the dark-side, all that changed and the brother I once loved was gone forever. I couldn't take it so I left. I found my grandmother and lived with her. She's the High Priestess of the Water Temple. You see, my exorcist parents were killed on an exorcist job, by demons, but my grandmother never really got in touch will them when they were married, because she wasn't happy with the fact that her only son was marrying a Buddhist nun. It was traditional that Elementals marry Elementals. When she found out of my parents death, she blamed herself and took it upon herself to bring unity among all exorcist types, which she did. Of course, she never knew she had a granddaughter. Until I found her of course. She took care of me for eight years and I eventually became a Exorcist Lord. When I came back, I gave Shifu a letter from my grandmother explaining all this. You never read it though." She turned her head to Shifu, "Did you?"

"I was just glad you were back home. But why did you come back?"

"There was a war. Many of our people were killed, but we won. Our enemy – one of the last diviners - escaped but swore revenge on us. So we had to go to separate training schools to learn to fight better, for the next time. We also disguised ourselves, so we are not recognised."

"I see..." Shifu whispered.

"Will you all forgive me for not telling you?"

"Of course."

"Sure will."

"You're still a great friend."

"I forgive you."

"Of course we forgive you!"

"No!"

This was from Monkey.

Tigress Turned to him with what looked like pure sadness.

"Not until you burn my pink pants."

Suddenly her face lit up.

"Of course!"

And so Tigress burnt the pants and earned Monkey's forgiveness…and also burnt the west wing of the Jade palace. Who could have know that Monkey's pants were extremely flammable?


	4. Chapter 4

**Hypocrite **

"No."

"Tigress, you have no choice in the matter."

"No."

"Tigress, I am your-"

"No."

"I am your father and my word is final!"

"I'm not getting married Shifu."

"I've already made the arrangements Tigress. There's nothing you can do so get out of my office!" Shifu pointed towards the door as Tigress headed out, her head held low to hide her aggravated face.

"How can he do this to me?" she ranted to no-one in particular, as she walked into the kitchen.

Around the table were Po, Viper, Monkey, Mantis, Crane, and Tai Lung. Yes, you read correctly – Tai Lung. You see, Tai Lung was discovered to have survived the Wu xi finger hold. When he refused to come back to the Jade Palace and use his powers for good, they locked him up with an angry, drunken Tigress for the day and threatened to do it again if he didn't give in to their demands. Not only did he give in to the demands, but has been seeing a shrink once a week, ever since, for the traumatic affairs that occurred in the old store room.

"Do what?" Viper asked.

"Shifu's getting me an arranged marriage. It's so unfair. He says it's time that I settle down and make him some grandchildren. Wait a second…I know…I'll get drunk again and – "

"**No!"** They all roared in unison.

"Are you crazy?"

"Do you remember what happened last time?"

"Yeah, I mean, now we've installed locks on all our doors because of you!"

"Jeez, guys… It was just an idea."

And that's when Tai-Lung smirked.

Then chuckled.

Then laughed.

Then fell off his chair, laughing his head off as he was rolling around on the floor from side to side.

"This isn't funny Tai-Tai," Tigress called him by her special child-hood nick-name for him, "This is a crisis, not a comedy."

"Hasn't-hehehe- that man-hehehe- learned nothing!"

All of a sudden, Tigress seemed to have an epiphany and following Tai-Lung's example, she too dropped to the floor, laughing her head off.

"What is going on with you two?" Mantis asked what everyone around him was thinking.

"You mean you don't know?" Tai Lung turned to Tigress, using his own special nick-name for her, "You never told them Tee?"

"It – hehehe – never came up – hehehe."

"Shifu has been through _four divorces_."

"**What?"**

"It's true." Tigress confirmed as both felines got back up on their chair, ready to gossip about their adopted father.

"Now let's start with Tenika."

"Oh, Tenika, thank you for the memories…of the paaaiiinnn." Tigress sang as she poured herself a glass of diluted vodka (she's only been allowed diluted alcohol beverages ever since she got drunk, home alone).

"Tenika was the bossiest woman ever to set foot into the Valley of Peace."

"_Damn_, that woman was _unbearable_."

"After her and Shifu dated for a month, he took her to Vegas to 'loosen up'. Not only did both of them loosen up, but they also got drunk and got married."

"No way, you mean Shifu got married in Vegas?"

"Yup."

"And got divorced the very next morning." Tigress added, pouring a fifth glass for herself. The others were keeping a _very_ close eye on her.

"Right after the divorce, Tenika left him."

"Awww, that's so sad. She should've given the relationship a second go."

"Trust me, it was for the best Viper, you would have hated her. Anyway, that night he drank his sorrows away...and woke up married to another woman – Xian, wife number two."

"You know, I think Xian was the nicest out of all the- woah! Po, that's my bottle of vodka, not yours. Wait – PO GIVE MY VODKA BACK!...you cruel, cruel people – you vodka snatchers…" Tigress excepted defeat.

"They were only married a week while the divorce papers were finalised, but she was really nice."

"Wife number three, named Xixi was quite the opposite. She was unbelievably scheming and the only reason why Shifu married her was because of his sexual attraction to her."

"She had the body of a goddess. Of course, she didn't think the same way about Shifu. She just wanted his money. She taught us the art of swindling and how to do business so you get more money."

"Money, money, money." Tigress sang, "always funny, in a rich man's world. Hehehehe."

"Oh, God…Tigress is tipsy. I'll just go make sure all the dorm rooms are locked."

"…Yeah, like that would stop me…" She scoffed.

When Monkey came back, the story telling resumed.

"Now, Tigress and I both realised Xixi's ulterior motive, and we immediately made a plan of action."

"Basically, we hid Shifu's money under our matresses."

"She still got away with like 50,000 yen, though."

"All you have to know about wife number four, named Swansita, is that she was his first true love…and ran away with the milkman."

"At the altar after the I do's." Tai Lung added.

"Now for wife number five..."

"Wait a second." said Crane, "I thought you said he's been through four divorces, not five."

"He has been through four divorces. He's still married."

"**To who!"**

"Wife number one came back, then left again."

"Well, where is she?" asked Viper.

"Out there somewhere spending Shifu's money that she stole – well 'borrowed' according to her."

"What, and he wants you to get married?" Mantis asked, as everyone started to laugh uncontrollably.

"What is going on here?"

Shifu was at the door way, a pile of papers in his hands.

"Oh, we were just reminiscing your ex-wives, and wife." Tigress said, leaning back on the chair, "Those don't happen to be the marriage documents, do they?"

"You what?" Shifu roared, "I know you are displeased with the situation, Tigress, but it doesn't give you the right to gossip about my past life behind my back."

"You still didn't answer the question." Tigress simply stated.

"Yes, these are the documents."

"Give them to me, or else."

"Or else what?" he scoffed.

"Or else I tell everyone here about…_ Lolita_."

His countenance dropped.

"…You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." She dared him.

An eerie silence followed, after which Shifu finally gave in and slapped the paper on the table in front of her, and exited, mumbling something incoherent under his breath.

"Lolita?" Crane asked the two felines.

"It all started when an hallucinating hobo mistook Shifu for his dead mother…"


	5. Chapter 5

**The tales of Tai-Tai Part 1**

"Guys, Guys…we have a problem…" Tigress ran into the kitchen where the rest of the furious five, plus Po, were having lunch.

"What's happened Tigress?" A cloud of dread swept across them.

"Well…first of all…this is NOT my fault..."

"Oh God, it must be something really bad."

"I think I may have gotten Tai Lung…well…"

"Just spit it out Tigress!" Viper screeched, not being able to handle the tension any longer.

"I think I may have gotten him drunk, OK." She blurted out.

"_**WHAT?"**_

"What the hell were you thinking Tigress?"

"I didn't mean to."

"What the hell do you mean, you didn't mean to? You couldn't have accidently got him drunk, now could you…Could you?" Mantis' last question was posed with both unbelievable terror and suspicion.

"Never underestimate Tigress when she gets a hold of alcoholic beverages." Monkey reminded them, and they all nodded in agreement.

"Explain." Po instructed.

"Well, as you guys have forbidden me to drink any alcohol...I sort of…spiked the milk with vodka. BUT, it wasn't nearly enough to get someone drunk…but of course Tai Lung can't really hold his liquor…like the last time…"

Crane gulped. He didn't want to ask, but someone had to, "What happened last time?"

"He disappeared for three days, then we found on the roof, butt-naked, with a daisy crown on his head and married to a Hawaiian princess, although, I had a sneaky suspicion that she was Russian…"

"How." Viper asked, mouth agape.

"Well there was this really slight accent which she had and she accidently let it slip that her grand-"

"NOT HOW WAS SHE RUSSIAN! HOW DID TAI LUNG END UP ON THE ROOF, BUTT-NAKED, WITH A DAISY CROWN ON HIS HEAD AND MARRIED TO A HAWAIN PRINCESS, WHO YOU THOUGHT WAS REALLY RUSSIAN!" Viper was now panting desperately, trying to catch her breath.

"Well, I don't know! He never spoke about it to anyone…well, except his shrink, Mr Lee, cuz this was the event that made him want to get therapy in the first place."

"Well, where is he now?"

"That's the problem. He's…missing."

"_**WHAT!"**_

"Don't worry, don't worry, I'm sure he'll turn up…eventually."

"Have you told Master Shifu?"

"Oh, yeah, like I'm actually going to tell Shifu that I've gotten his son drunk and now I've lost him and – Oh my God, he's right behind me isn't he?"

"Yes I am Tigress. Yes I am, now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TAI LUNG?"


End file.
